The mental load Is real

In most households, the majority of chores—especially the hidden mental ones—still fall to mothers, even when both parents work full-time. From planning meals to managing school admin, the burden often leads to resentment, imbalance, and burnout.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. With better awareness, honest conversation, and a shared system, household work can become a team effort that supports everyone’s mental health.

The Hidden Work No One Talks About

Household chores aren't just physical tasks. There’s also a heavy mental load—the invisible planning, organising and remembering that keeps family life ticking.
Think about it:

• Who packs the school bags or plans meals?
• Who keeps track of snacks, uniforms, and social activities?
• Who answers school emails, fills in forms, and buys birthday presents?

Often, it’s Mum. And this constant background load is exhausting.

Why This Matters

When the household workload is unfairly divided, it causes more than just stress—it creates burnout, especially for mothers. It also leads to tension and disharmony between parents.

Sharing the load doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50 at all times. But it does mean recognising what needs to be done and agreeing on who owns what.

A Fairer Way to Divide the Work

1. Start with visibility
List out everything that needs doing—not just the cleaning, but the planning behind it. Use broad categories like:

• Feeding (shopping, cooking, packed lunches)
• Cleaning
• School admin
• Social organising
• Laundry and clothing

2. Consider time and capacity
If both partners work the same hours, the split should be even. If one partner works longer or has less flexibility, the other may take on more at home—but it should still be acknowledged and balanced over time.

3. Divide by ownership, not tasks
Instead of one person planning meals and the other cooking, let one person fully own the feeding category. That means they plan, shop, cook, and think ahead. This reduces micromanagement and improves accountability.

4. Let go of perfection
If you hand over a task, let it go. It might not be done your way, and that’s okay. Let your partner find their own rhythm. Coaching is fine—control is not.

5. Rotate responsibilities occasionally
Swapping roles helps each partner understand the work involved and builds mutual respect.

6. Get the kids involved
If your children are old enough, include them in age-appropriate chores. It builds independence and lightens the load.

7. Reassess regularly
Your needs will change—maternity leave ends, job roles shift, kids grow up. Use these transitions as prompts to review and reassign the load.

The Payoff: A Healthier Home Life

When household responsibilities are seen, shared, and respected, everyone benefits. It’s not just about keeping the house running—it’s about protecting mental health, preventing burnout, and modelling equality for your children.

The mental load isn’t yours to carry alone. And you don’t have to wait for burnout to make a change.

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