How self-care can be parent therapy

As parents we are totally dedicated to our children and family but often forget ourselves in the process. But can you really be the best parent you want to be if you neglect your own wellbeing and mental health? The majority of parents feel stressed and mentally overwhelmed. Many are getting closer to parental burnout and the trend is rising. Symptoms include feelings of low mood, depression, hopelessness, anxiety, exhaustion and sleeping difficulties and lacking a sense of pleasure in doing things and life in general. Stressed parents become irritable, short-fused and are much more likely to get angry and shout at their children. That does not lead to a happy family life or the environment in which you want to raise your children.

To avoid parental exhaustion and in extreme burnout you need to practice self-care. Self-care is important for all human beings and that includes parents. However, most parents put the need of their children and family above their own. They claim not having the time for self-care and deep down they believe that self-care is selfish or a luxury at best. Because of that parents feel guilty about looking after themselves.

However, the time has come to drop your parent guild and practice some self-care. You can call it a healthy form of selfishness that benefits you as well as your children and family. Think of self-care as your own parent therapy. Self-care will help you to find a better balance in your life, become calmer and overall better in managing and coping with your parental stress. Here are some self-care therapy actions you can take yourself to improve your mental well-being and stability.

To start with, you change your mindset about self-care: It is not selfish and it is not a luxury. Self-care is necessary to enable you to be the best parent you can and want to be. The mental health benefits are scientifically proven. Self-care doesn’t only benefit you but ultimately your children as you will become a less stressed and more balanced parent.

Self-care requires time. Whether it is a daily meditation, a weekly yoga or gym session, a hobby you pursue or anything else you like doing, you will need to dedicate some time to it. Schedule your self-care time and make it a priority as much as you care for your children and family.

There is a physical component about self-care that includes eating healthy and nutritious food like the often cited Mediterranean diet, drinking plenty of water, limiting alcohol consumption according to government guidelines, not smoking and sufficient physical movement like daily walking.

And then there is the mental side of self-care. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up all the time about your parenting, not being good enough or other issues. Use quiet moments like meditations to talk to yourself like you would to your best friend. In this case your best friend is you. Practice self-affirmation to develop a positive self-view. You can do this for specific feelings or situations. You can affirm yourself of being a good, good enough or the parent who does her best for her children and family. You can do a 5 minutes self-affirmation meditation every morning to start your day or you can do it a couple of times a week. This might feel strange at the beginning. There is research evidence that self-affirmation can improve your feeling of self-worth and self-confidence.

Practice mindfulness meditation, ideally every day. Mindfulness meditation comprises controlled and rhythmic breathing as well as gratefulness. Through rhythmic breathing you can calm your mind and body. You can better deal with your negative thoughts by observing them neutrally and eventually let them go. You can also use controlled breathing when you are getting angry or stressed. Instead of starting to shout take three deep breaths. You will feel calmer and more balanced. This will make it easier for you to deal with stressful situations and you can gain a more rational perspective on things.

Gratitude reminds you of the things you love about your life and the things that make your day. It doesn’t have to be grand things, savour every day three moments or situations for which you are grateful for. This can be a smile or drawing from your child, a compliment from your partner or other gestures of kindness. Take 5 minutes in the evening and savour the things that happened during the day that you are grateful for. It also sets you up nicely for a good night sleep.

And sleep is another important part of self-care. Parents suffer from constant sleep deprivation. When your children are small they can wake you several times a night. When they are older there will be many nights when you find it difficult to fall asleep because you worry about their school performance, their social acceptance and their future. Most parents don't struggle to find things to worry about. While you will have to cope with a certain lack of sleep when you are a parent there are ways to maximise the little sleep you can get. Use sleep meditations to fall or go back to sleep. Find some additional time to catch up on sleep over the weekend. Make sure your sleep environment is set up to help you sleep. Find coping techniques for getting through the day even if you had little sleep the nights before. While the recommended good night sleep of seven hours may be a rarity you can take quite a few actions to improve on your sleep.

Connect yourself with nature. Go out into green spaces like parks and forests to breathe in fresh air and ground yourself in nature. You can take your shoes and socks off and walk on grass or other grounds. You can also do this in your garden if you have one. On the weekend play with your children outdoors in nature. Ideally, you should spend about half an hour in nature and looking at greenery every day. But whatever time you can have in nature will be beneficial. It is scientifically proven that being in nature calms us down and relaxes our minds.

Take advantage of your community or network to get help for some tasks like picking your child up from school or arranging playdates and overnight stays for you children that give you some free time. Ask your partner to help more with household and child care. If you can, hire occasionally a nanny to get free time or get some professional household help. The point is to find some support and free up a bit of time that you can use for yourself.

Make time to do the things you like doing like seeing friends, doing yoga or a workout, take a long walk, listen to the music or podcast you like, watch a film or read a book. If you have a subject you are in particularly interested in make it into a hobby and take some time to enjoy it. Whatever it is you should every week carve out some me-time to do the things you want to do.

Self-care is not selfish or a luxury. It is a necessity to keep you calm and balanced so you can be the best parent you can be. Not only you but your whole family will benefit. So take some action now and establish and schedule your self-care routine. It is good parent therapy you can do yourself.

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